I’ve been MIA for a few weeks, and that’s no bueno. Mainly, I’ve been stressed and busy. I’ve been looking for jobs in different states, exploring moving options, and trying to figure out how to pick up and move to a new area. Most recently, I found out my job is being eliminated, effective the last week of February.
So yeah, you could say I’ve had a bit on my mind.
All in all, I’m up to 266 pounds, a gain of 6.5 over the last 3 weeks. Not as bad as it could have been, but certainly not good.
Next week I’ll be traveling to the Denver area for a day of interviews, so my meal planning will hit a bit of a snag. The plan is to get back to the keto lifestyle starting now.
I weighed in at 260.4 this morning, adding up to a 1.9 pound loss. Not bad for a week that started out with a 3-day holiday weekend, capped off with the annual Japanese sushi feast. Over the last 4 days I’ve averaged about 50g of carbs per day. That’s twice my daily target. It’s still within targets for ketogenesis, but it’s not optimal. So, I need to tighten that up this week.
That’s what I’m shooting for. It’s going to take some serious work. It also means that, in the short-term, I won’t be focusing too much on IF. I want to ensure I have enough energy and motivation to navigate the fat adaption process.
Time for brutal feedback. What do you think? Is this sustainable? Do you want to join me? Let’s take control of 2017!
Remember that whole “It’s a holiday, not a holiweek” thing? Yeah, I was just kidding.
I tipped the scale at 262.3 this morning, which is a gain of 2.8 pounds. Given my complete lack of keto discipline this week, I’d say that’s not too bad. I mean, a gain is never good, but I also try not to have crazy expectations of myself during the holidays.
This weekend I’ll be weaning myself off the high-carb foods, and, after the annual New Year’s Day Japanese feast on Sunday with some close family friends, I’m back on a rigid keto plan.
Eating a large amount of carbs this week has shown me a few things:
I have a lot more mental clarity when I’m eating keto
I sleep better when I’m on keto
I’m more productive when I’m on keto
I just plain ‘ol feel better when I’m on keto
I genuinely miss the way I feel when I’m sticking to my plan. So, it’s time to get that feeling back.
After an emotional roller coaster of a week, I’m down 2.6 pounds to 259.5. Hello 250s! The last time I can remember weighing in lower than 260 was in 2007. That’s almost a decade ago!
I’m heading home to Southern California for the weekend to celebrate Christmas with my family. We have a couple meal traditions, some candy in the stockings, and a gift certificate to The Cheesecake Factory we’ll be using on Christmas Eve. So, I’m going to take a bit of a break from the diet restrictions. I won’t go nuts, but there’s no way I’m skipping mom’s cooking, especially on Christmas morning!
I’ll be back on Tuesday, and, after a work team breakfast at Key’s Cafe, it’s back to the grind. My focus when I return will be on becoming fully fat-adapted. I haven’t gone more than 8 days sticking to the keto plan, and I want to see what’s possible if I do. The plan is to stick to a fully keto diet – no cheating! – for 6 weeks, then begin reintroducing certain carb-rich foods (very similar to the Whole 30 plan). Mainly, I want to see how my blood glucose levels react to certain foods, and see if I can integrate them into my diet without my those levels spiking.
My emphasis here is on living a healthy lifestyle. The diet is a bit extreme, and I don’t plan to stay 100% keto for the rest of my life. However, I want to exercise the self control necessary to complete these experiments, knowing they’ll lead to a more fulfilling, healthy life. I’m also hoping I drop some serious weight at the same time!
Over the last 3 months I’ve dropped 32.5 pounds. That’s nuts. I can’t wait to see what 2017 will bring!
Okay guys, I’m emotional. I eat when I’m emotional. Usually just when I’m sad and down, I suppose.
When I feel intense negative emotion, I want to eat a bunch of unhealthy stuff. I want to throw caution to the wind, forget all my goals, and just do what feels good (read: “pizza”). Yet eating is the last thing I should do, because that will just cause me to spiral into the depths of shame and depression.
Emotion is unpredictable. It comes and goes without warning.
Example: I just came across a picture of the building where my ex and I had talked about having our wedding. Just a stupid Facebook post, and boom, I’m here tearing up at my desk. What was the very next thought I had, you ask? “I should go down to the cafeteria and get some food.” I brought my broth and a little ham to have for lunch. That’s the plan. So why do I find myself drawn to the cafeteria?
I suppose the answer to this is temptation is to flex my self-control and will power muscles. They’re weak, but getting stronger. Two months ago I wouldn’t have written a blog; I’d be stewing in the shame of french fries and fried chicken. Three months ago I wouldn’t have thought to reach out to friends who know my struggles.
Eventually my self control muscles will be so strong I won’t even have to reach out (hopefully). I’ll feel the emotion, let it pass, then go heat up my broth without further thought. But that won’t happen unless I make the right choice, right now, in the midst of the emotion.
So, I basically lost a baby this week. 7.4 pounds. Wow.
This morning I weighed in at 262.1 pounds, marking my lowest weight since I started this journey, and just 2.1 pounds away from my lowest weight in over 4 years.
What’s remarkable about this isn’t the amount of weight I lost – though it’s ridiculous and I’m still kind of shocked – but the fact that it came during one of the most emotional weeks in recent memory. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown on Monday, and I usually end up binging when I’m highly emotional. The fact I not only didn’t binge, but came through with a huge loss, is amazing to me. I don’t think I’ve ever avoided a binge in an intense situation like that.
A friend of mine recently made an observation about my weight loss journey: “You’ve never gone more than 5-8 days without cheating.”
I’ve noticed a rhythm in my determination – 1 week on, 1 week off. I have a fantastic week like last week, losing over 6 pounds, and follow it up with a bad week, gaining almost 4 of them back. These are generally driven by my emotions (just ask my therapist).
The thing is, I’m trying as hard as I can (or at least as hard as I think I can, but that’s a topic for another post). So, something else is missing. Is it a spiritual component? Is it an aspect of my core character that needs work? I honestly have no idea. But I know I need to figure it out.
Here’s what I know about my journey right now:
I can do it.
I have already done it.
I have the potential to make a ridiculous amount of progress in a relatively small amount of time (6 pounds in a week is borderline Biggest Loser territory!).
I have an amazing group of extremely supportive friends checking in on me every day.
I have a fantastic group of readers here on the blog who interact with and encourage me on this journey.
My experiences can help other get fired up about their own journeys.
There’s so much more to this blog than my own success or failure. This isn’t a solo project. We’re all part of this. I don’t want to report a weight gain to you guys. And I don’t want this blog to go dark for weeks on end because I’m ashamed by my lack of progress.
So, what are we doing to tackle the issues in our lives? It’s Monday, so let’s kick the week off well!
Two steps forward, one step back. Or, in this case, 1.22 steps back. I’m up 3.8 pounds to 269.5. I had an extremely difficult week emotionally. I can’t seem to figure out how to stick to the plan in the midst of deep depression. Part of the problem is the fact the processed, unhealthy food feeds the depression chemically, then starts a spiral of shame that feeds the depression emotionally. I honestly don’t know how to fight this in the moment. In fact, in the moment, I don’t even care. I need to figure out how to keep the big picture in mind, rather than succumb to the thoughts scrolling through my brain – “Nothing matters. You’re just going to die anyway, why not enjoy the ride?”
I know this isn’t a very fun post. Fun is about the furthest thing from my mind right now. But, today I’m choosing to bring my feelings into the light, sharing my heart with this online community, and hoping for better days to come.